Trapped in the bedroom July 14, 2010Posted by Umph in Day summaries, Funny.
Tags: fake, Funny, graphic, hostage, joke, pee, story
Warning: The following is a dramatization of true events. Be warned that some of this may be frightening to younger viewers as the imagery is graphic.
Hello, viewers. It’s currently 12:30. About half an hour ago, I went through a difficult ordeal. I was being held hostage. By…my baby sister. See, I was minding my own buisness, just using my computer. When my sister enters the room. Slam. The doors are closed, my fate is sealed.
I looked over to see my open closet door clicked together with my half-open front door. My heart was racing as I sprang for the door. I wrapped my fingers around the knob and yanked. It was stuck! ”Addy!” I cried. That’s when Addy whacked me with a lamp and it all went dark…
I awoke five minutes later and I was hand-cuffed to a chair. A glazed look in her eyes indicated how fierce she was feeling. She snarled, ”where is it?” ”Where is what?” I asked.
”The amulate.” She paced back and forth. ”Exuse me, I have to pee.” My sister walked for the door, only to realize it was stuck. Then, she scooted a towel over and peed on that. Gross.
Finally, after minutes of intense interrogation, my brother heard my cries of terror. He busted in the door and arrested Addy, and I was safe!
Okay, so that did really happen. Maybe not the part with the lamp and the handcuffs, but we were locked in and Addy did pee on a towel. My brother also had to run and bust open the door! Sayonara now.
Time flies when you’re having fun! June 27, 2010Posted by Umph in All about me, Funny.
Tags: birthday parties, camp, friends, fun, movie, pictures, sorry, Summer, Swimming
Oh my, my. I’m so super sorry for leaving you guys all un-updated!
Summer has started, so I’ve been spending most of my time out enjoying the great weather with my friends swimming and playing. Yes, it’s a good excuse. I have a life…don’t I? Well, that’s not the matter. SCHOOL WAS OUT on June 17th. I’m definately gonna miss my friends, but hey, I’ll deal with them next year :] Anyway here are some pics of summer so far for me! *Click to enlarge*
Like I was saying before, I’ve had three out-of-school meetings with my pals. I shall list them! (Wait, I wasn’t saying that earlier. It was something about pretzels…)
Thursday 6/17, when school ended. Martin came home with me (whoa, not like that) and we went swimming at my house! Then we met up with Anthony and played in his backyard until Kyra arrived. Then Martin, Kyra, Anthony and I went swimming more, ate, then hung out, then swam more (Is that even a word? Swam?). Martin went home so Kyra got to hang out with the neighbors and I until she left.
Saturday 6/19, Angie’s birthday party! I got to see most of my friends at the Bowling Alley, including Martin and Kyra who I hadn’t seen in fourty-eight hours! Can you believe that?? Yeah, so it was Angie’s 12th birthday. Joseph, Jonathan, Kyra, Martin and Angie’s cousin were there. Joe, Jonathan and I played two games (I won the second, Jonathan won the first). Then we played at the arcade and I won playing cards! Then we had pizza, soda and cake.
Saturday 6/19, after the party we went to the movies! Later, after getting the a-okay from my folks, Martin picked me up for the movies (god, I don’t like him like that!). His mom dropped us off, and we got tickets to see Toy Story 3. Joe and Angie met up with us, and then Dan randomly came. We got our food and watched the movie! It was SO good, but I’m giving any spoilers! I almost cried at one point and almost peed my pants at another. Then when it was over we couldn’t find Martin’s mom in the parking lot, so he suggested we walk home?? Finally she came and that was that.
Yes, so that was my summer so far. I still have Camp! Camp starts on the 18th of July. Starting with my next post, in honor of camp, I will post something camp-themed each post. So whether it be a song from camp, a memory, a craft, etc. Ta-ta for now!
QUESTION: Which summer picture do you like best?
I need funny-and fast! May 31, 2009Posted by Umph in Funny.
Tags: Funny, Umpalump66, Yo Momma Jokes
Eek! Look at my humor rating-35! That’s terrible! My best was once 14! So, let’s be funny! You’re not funny at all. Uh-oh. Here comes trouble. You should just quit, I can make a WAY better joke. That’s SO not true. Let’s have a Yo Momma Contest. Kay, you’re on. If I loose, you get bragging rights and I won’t bother you. If I win, I get your blog! Lets go. Yo Momma so stupid she went to self-portrait class and drew the guy next to her. Yo Momma so stupid the phone rang so she opened the door and said, ”whose there?” Yo Momma so stupid she counted all the prime numbers up to 2 and found 7. Yo Momma so stupid she can’t spell ”a”. Yo Momma so fat she hopped on a roller coaster and the ride attendant said ”sorry. Weight limit, half of you.” Uh-oh…I don’t have any more. I win! In your FACE! Not fair! You stole some of mine! No, you are me, you stole some of mine. Nu-uh! Yeah-huh! No, because you hacked into my blog and ate my chocolate chip cookies. What the? That’s completely irrelevant! Oh, so now you’re calling my cookies names? Go to school, you idiot. Make me, hippy. Shut up, you mother-mouthed rabbit! You shut up, you rubbery cheese! Hop off your stick, lollypop, and get a life. I have a life. Unlike you with your stupid blog. ”Oh, I’m typing, what me press these letters, watch me enter this post, oh, just got a comment!” I don’t have a life? Last time I checked, talking to figures of my imagination is pretty darn cool. Checked where? Internet for dummies? You just proved it! I can read! And you can’t! Stupid baggy-shirt hippy. Bun-faced fanny wiper. Stinky pant-sprinkler. Quarter-depositing little child who has nothing else to do but bug me and deposit quarters into the machine, then POP. I slip out and thump you in the eye. You’re just a frothy-mouthed, six-pawed, demon-eyed chatterbox!!! Haha! Umpalump66 is gone! Yes!
Random, Funny Words. May 4, 2009Posted by ღ Bbfreeze (: in Funny, Other than Umph, Random, Short posts.
UPDATE: If anyone here watches American Idol, please vote for Adam Lambert!!! VOTE VOTE VOTE! We have to make him win!
‘Ello! This is Bbfreeze updating for Umph while she kills her computer’s viruses. Blegh… OMG! Her computer has the Swine Flu! 😮 Jk.
What my post is about is FUNNEH words! (This list is 100% made by me, except the words.) Enjoy!
- Doof (short for dufus)
And those are just SOME! 😆 Cya!
Billy Mays-Please Shut up!! April 24, 2009Posted by Umph in Funny, Random.
Tags: advertsier, Billy mays, Commercial, screaming
Now, you may be asking, who’s Billy Mays? Billy Mays is a fast-talking commercial advertiser. He always screams!! It’s kinda funny, but annoying at the same time. Here are some funny things Ant-man and I made up.
Billy Mays: (screaming) Hey!! Are you insured?!
Billy Mays: (screaming, again)Then you need Iinsured!!
Me:(sternly and angrily)I’m ten.
Billy Mays:(screaming)Then you need Iinsured Junior!!
Me:(smacking billy away)Leave me alone!
Billy Mays:(creepily happy)No!!
Me:(whipping out a can with Billy’s picture on the front)I have your mace product!(sprays mace)
ROFL, hope you enjoyed! But this is just for fun, Billy Mays isn’t THAT annoying, and its kind of mean of me, so sorry Billy!