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Trapped in the bedroom July 14, 2010

Posted by Umph in Day summaries, Funny.
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Warning: The following is a dramatization of true events. Be warned that some of this may be frightening to younger viewers as the imagery is graphic.

Hello, viewers. It’s currently 12:30. About half an hour ago, I went through a difficult ordeal. I was being held hostage. By…my baby sister. See, I was minding my own buisness, just using my computer. When my sister enters the room. Slam. The doors are closed, my fate is sealed.

I looked over to see my open closet door clicked together with my half-open front door. My heart was racing as I sprang for the door. I wrapped my fingers around the knob and yanked. It was stuck! ”Addy!” I cried. That’s when Addy whacked me with a lamp and it all went dark…

I awoke five minutes later and I was hand-cuffed to a chair. A glazed look in her eyes indicated how fierce she was feeling. She snarled, ”where is it?” ”Where is what?” I asked.

”The amulate.” She paced back and forth. ”Exuse me, I have to pee.” My sister walked for the door, only to realize it was stuck. Then, she scooted a towel over and peed on that. Gross.

Finally, after minutes of intense interrogation, my brother heard my cries of terror. He busted in the door and arrested Addy, and I was safe!

Okay, so that did really happen. Maybe not the part with the lamp and the handcuffs, but we were locked in and Addy did pee on a towel. My brother also had to run and bust open the door! Sayonara now.


Massive heat-wave July 6, 2010

Posted by Umph in Uncategorized.
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Oh my God I am melting.

Right now temperatures in my part of the U.S are sky-rocketing, my state’s temp. is 100 f (37.7 c) And I feel like dying.

I’ve been downing those half-pint Poland Springs and I’m about to have some frozen yogurt (literally. I took a Danimals Crush-Cup and popped it in the freezer a while ago). I’ve also been sitting in front of the air conditioner 😉

I’m blaming the heat wave on Rapper and new social pariah, Kanye West. Click to enlarge (his ego)

So that poster brings me to my next subject, I shall be making my page dedicated to celebrity blunders. I call it, celebrity blunders 😀 Bye bye now.

LOL. No. That is NOT laugh out loud funny and if you ever say LOL again I will injure you :F January 9, 2010

Posted by Umph in Random.
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What is up except the sky? Anyways, hi. How’s it goin? Ugh, I got mad and hurt my computer keyboard and now my ”S” key is missing, see?

Okay, I’m in a really random mood right now so it’s time for some of my comedic genius. Okay, here are some truly awesome jokes that I though of myself, so don’t you dare try to copy (or paste o_0 ) them.

Q: What do you call a fairy mixed with a skunk?

 A: Stinkerbell

Q: What’s black, white and red all over?

A: A sun-burned penguin

Q: Why didn’t the skeleton go to church?

A: He couldn’t play the organs

Q: Where do Vampires keep their money?

A: A blood bank

Q: What did the cement say to the jackhammer?

A: ”Stop, you’re giving me a headache!”

Q: Where do you find a Christmas Tree in the summer?

A: On vacation!



Look ! December 20, 2009

Posted by Umph in Uncategorized.
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Look at my funny webshow ad.

Please Help! June 14, 2009

Posted by Umph in Short posts.
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I just made a new site! It’s for Webkinz, and I need more views! Please please please please please please please advertise and visit http://ttylwebkinz.wordpress.com/ In other news, last night, I, fully clothed, fell into my swimming pool. It was pretty funny. So uh…go to http://ttylwebkinz.wordpress.com/ ! go to http://ttylwebkinz.wordpress.com/ ! go to http://ttylwebkinz.wordpress.com/ ! go to http://ttylwebkinz.wordpress.com/ ! go to http://ttylwebkinz.wordpress.com/ ! go to http://ttylwebkinz.wordpress.com/ ! NOW  😡