I need funny-and fast! May 31, 2009Posted by Umph in Funny.
Tags: Funny, Umpalump66, Yo Momma Jokes
Eek! Look at my humor rating-35! That’s terrible! My best was once 14! So, let’s be funny! You’re not funny at all. Uh-oh. Here comes trouble. You should just quit, I can make a WAY better joke. That’s SO not true. Let’s have a Yo Momma Contest. Kay, you’re on. If I loose, you get bragging rights and I won’t bother you. If I win, I get your blog! Lets go. Yo Momma so stupid she went to self-portrait class and drew the guy next to her. Yo Momma so stupid the phone rang so she opened the door and said, ”whose there?” Yo Momma so stupid she counted all the prime numbers up to 2 and found 7. Yo Momma so stupid she can’t spell ”a”. Yo Momma so fat she hopped on a roller coaster and the ride attendant said ”sorry. Weight limit, half of you.” Uh-oh…I don’t have any more. I win! In your FACE! Not fair! You stole some of mine! No, you are me, you stole some of mine. Nu-uh! Yeah-huh! No, because you hacked into my blog and ate my chocolate chip cookies. What the? That’s completely irrelevant! Oh, so now you’re calling my cookies names? Go to school, you idiot. Make me, hippy. Shut up, you mother-mouthed rabbit! You shut up, you rubbery cheese! Hop off your stick, lollypop, and get a life. I have a life. Unlike you with your stupid blog. ”Oh, I’m typing, what me press these letters, watch me enter this post, oh, just got a comment!” I don’t have a life? Last time I checked, talking to figures of my imagination is pretty darn cool. Checked where? Internet for dummies? You just proved it! I can read! And you can’t! Stupid baggy-shirt hippy. Bun-faced fanny wiper. Stinky pant-sprinkler. Quarter-depositing little child who has nothing else to do but bug me and deposit quarters into the machine, then POP. I slip out and thump you in the eye. You’re just a frothy-mouthed, six-pawed, demon-eyed chatterbox!!! Haha! Umpalump66 is gone! Yes!
Me, Myself, and my PyroPhobia. May 31, 2009Posted by Umph in All about me.
Tags: fire, Pyrophobia
Now you may be asking, what’s PyroPhobia? It’s a phobia of fire. I have PyroPhobia. It’s not just, ”oh, that building’s on fire, I’m scared”, it’s ”AAH! That candle is going!” That’s how scared I am of fire. I’m scared when candles are going, when the oven/grill is on, and when campfires are lit. And now, I’ll tell you why…
I was about 2 3/4 years old. It was at my old house, and I was sound asleep beside my father. While we were asleep, a fire started inside the wall. My dad and I would’ve died if my brother hadn’t woke us up.
I don’t know if that’s exactly why I have PyroPhobia, but it’s definitely something that could’ve sparked it. Here are some other examples of why I’m afraid of fire…
One day, at my current house, I was writing a song on a sheet of paper. There was a candle lit in-front of me. I got up for a second because my step-dad was showing me something on his computer. My dog, Chloe was wandering around, when all of a sudden, THWACK. Chloe’s tail smacked my paper. I didn’t notice until my step-dad said, ”Hey, Emma, what’s that fire?” I looked over to see my paper engulfed in flames on the candle. I picked it up, rushed it to the bathroom and put it out in the sink.
My friend and neighbor was over. I decided to make us a snack in the kitchen. I put some popcorn in the microwave and set it for the right time. The microwave began making grumbling sounds and shaking. I told mys step-dad and I walked away. Seconds later, I heard my step-dad yell, ”The microwave exploded!” I freaked out and jumped under a blanket. The microwave didn’t blow-up or any thing, but I still was frightened.
Dandelion Invasion! May 30, 2009Posted by Umph in Random.
Tags: Aliens, bridge, dandelions, Earth, juice, library, party, weeds
Okay, so I was driving to the library-all of a sudden-it happened: Millions of dandelion seeds, invading us like aliens! They were downtown, they were across the bridge, they were in my backyard! My father quickly rolled up the windows to prevent us from attack. I don’t believe that these little pests were just pieces of weeds, but tiny alien spaceships!! Aah!! Maybe there here to steal our natural recorces, or destroy the Earth, or worst of all-harvest our brains and sip the juice out at their annual Galatic Cookout(which is on Saturday, 10:30 am, on Neptune. BYOB ‘bring your own brain-juice) So beware! If you don’t like pollen, or aliens, roll up those windows!
Ahahaha! May 30, 2009Posted by Umph in Random.
Tags: armrests, bathroom, bus, dc's, shoes, trip, tv
Hola-I’m here! The trip was SO fun!!!!!! I could describe it so thoroughly, but I’m not in the mood. But ok, I’ll describe the bus ride. We had a TRICKED OUT bus!!!! 1, it was twice the size of a regular bus. 2, the seats were velvety. 3, it had a bathroom in the back! 4, the seats had armrests. 5, there were mini-TVs everywhere! It was sooooo cool! I got new shoes!! I’m upset, though because these were my old favorite shoes that I’m growing out of…http://www.mamstore.co.uk/templates/imagedirectory/DCShoes_Pixie3Ladies(BlkPink)Large.gif and I don’t want to give them up 😦 I tried to get shoes that look the closest to my old ones, here they are: http://www.scorpionshoes.co.uk/ebay/images/Dc%20Shoes/Dc%20Pixie3%20White%20Cp%20White.jpg They are nice, huh? I like them so far. That’s it…bye-bye.
Mystic Tomorrow! May 28, 2009Posted by Umph in Uncategorized.
Tags: Animals, boats, camera, field trip, games, Gift shop, movies, Mystic, pics, robots
We have a field trip tommarow! Our regular school schedual is, go in at 8:30 am EST. and leave at 3:30 pm EST. When we go on our field trip, we’ll go from 9:00 am EST to 5:00 pm EST! The day I went to Mystic with my family, it was such a memorable day. First off It was incredibly beautiful that day, blue skies and the sun shining down. We got lost on the way, but when we found the place I was so excited! Then we went inside. I got a photo taken of me holding a toucan!! It was amazing! Next we looked at some fish, and found a sting-ray tank. They removed the stingers and I got to pet the slimy thing, which was really cool.After that, we saw an impressive Sea Lion show with cute seals and sea lions doing crazy stunts in a pool!!Then we had lunch. After lunch we saw big white manatees swimming back and fourth, back and fourth, back and fourth over and over! They were like robots! Then we took a walk across this bridge and saw these frogs, snakes and back-swimmers in a pond. And guess what we did next? Saw Jelly Fish! They were just swimming soooo slooooowly. We left But then saw the Mystic Sea Port. There were a bunch of old boats and vessels. It was really great. I’m sooo excited! We get to watch a movie in the bus on the way there, I can play my Nintendo D.S, and listen to my IPod. Then when we get there, we separate into groups, and can go ANYWHERE in the aqarium(the gift shop, the sea lions, the jellyfish tanks)!!!!!! EEEP!!!!! I’m bringing a camera and I might be able to show you some pics. Bye bye!